i felt tt todae must be the saddest day, after my dad's death day. i had made a stupid idiotic move tt made one of the most impt person in my life now angry. how stupid am i? super duper duper duper duper duper duper duper stupid, idiotic, bloody shit, i think no wrds can desribe how brainless am i to do it.

i think i am going to lose this fren of mine, shld be, after hearing wat she throw back at me, after seeing those msg she typed to me. i think one more person is angry wif me oso, cos i nv wait for her, even though she ask me to. im such a bloody idiot.

i dunno how to describe how much misery im in now. in juz a day, i might as well lost 2 most impt frens in np. i noe no matter wat i say now, wat i do now, nth can help me to debate myself. hatred in her mind, anger is in her mind. if they wanna hate me, they wanna be angry wif me. i dun mind. cos i deserve it. i deserve wat they did to me, cos i did sth super bad to them, one, i did sth terrible, the other, i broke a promise.

frm this day on, i might be a loner once more. maybe being a loner is nt a bad thing. loner=alone=lesser interaction=lesser conflict=lesser unhappy times
but tts means tt i'll hav lesser happy times. everything i hav to do it myself. everything i hav to make decisions myself. tt oso means tt i'll go back to my no life study, study n study.

to yan,
if u think by hating me u r happy, hate me. i didnt expect things to go this way. i hate myself for watever i had done to u. i had no one to blame but myself. i'll step aside until u nod a head. if this day nv happens, gd bye, my dear fren. but i realli hope tt this day will nv come. if u want some payback, do it. i wun blame u. cos i must be such an idiot to u now. but this phrase, no matter how u dun wanna hear it, dun wanna c it, i must still say,
i'm sorry for watever i had done to u.

to lum,
i noe u had always been waiting for me after ur em3 as i always been released ltr than u. todae, i nv wait for u, it is my fault. like wat i said to yan, if u think by hating me u r happy, hate me. but b4 hating me, plz let me explain for myself. i left cos i am pissed off by myself for making yan angry n i somehow wished to be alone to sort things out. i nd to sort them up so tt by the time i reaches home, i will at least show a neutral face. i jux dun want my mum to be worried by it.
i'm so so so so so sorry...