i think the best way for me to not to think of those stupid stuff is really to keep myself real busy, especially schwork... was busying myself with studying 313 today... except for those little breaks tt i took, my mind is so full of 313... conrotatory n disrotatory!?!?!

but when i was taking those little breaks... things still sip in... n these stuff always leads me back to tt qns... whether im ready??? whether im ready for sth like the 18? whether im ready to meet her alone? whether im ready to meet him alone? whether im ready to hav a proper conversation with him? etc etc etc...

im glad tt nobody is pushing me to get recovered fast... im the only one who is pushing myself... n the rest r just there to support me in watever i do, watever i decide... im alr starting to feel bad, especially towards S n also 照射镜... S明明那天讲明天要跟我吃午餐, but she msg me juz now to ask whether we r having lunch or juz taking back my stuff... she offers an alternative for me in case i back out... n nt to mention, there is oso an alternative made for me for 照射镜's bday celebration... the both of them juz gave me an alternative so tt i can back out if i dun wanna face it...

她们处处体谅我，但因为这些体谅，可带给她们一些些的麻烦。每次跟她们讲我的dilemma，她们总是回我一句“it's ok, 重要的是你不要觉得unhappy”。 这一句，打进我心里了。让我发现，在我身旁的两位朋友，很关心我。让我很想很想永远地保留着两位朋友，在她们有需要的时候，也关心关心一下她们。也让我觉得越来越内疚，带给她们这么多的麻烦。。。