I finally made up my decision n told 照射镜 tt I'm nt gg on the 18... Not really due to 想通了... But rather the unbearable pain I had this morning tt made me realize tt I'm nt ready at all for it... N the pain is resulted by a normal post whereby he post up a vid n tagged S... If tt causes pain, how the hell am I suppose to tell myself 我不介意 when I'm in front of them... 我想我太高估我自己了... It's juz nt something tt I'll be able to let go within a wk or two... All I did was to avoid him n make myself busy until I tot I had forgotten abt it... But once I'm nt busy, or saw sth tt reminds me of stuff... The feeling juz comes back... N sadness juz follow suit...

今早，我又掉眼泪了。。。就只为了那个post，觉得不值得，可是还是掉了。这眼泪，虽然少了，但感觉上还是跟两个星期前的没两样。。。还是觉得很痛。。。