Sometimes i really wonder... shld i really keep myself as busy as i am trying to these days??? yes, when im busy, i can really not think of anything else except for wat im busying with... but once im done with it, when my mind relaxes, it seems to move towards only 1 direction... back to thinking those 有的没的 with regards to him... when things get worse, i cant even slp at night after thinking all those stuff...

1 thing i've confirmed, he had really changed back to his sling bag... is he trying to mean sth out of his doings??? i hate this state tt im in... the '想要知道答案，但又怕不是我心想要的答案' state... sometimes, i really wish tt he just approach me n tell me everything, just like wat he did back in yr 1... so tt i dun hav to decide when i shld start speaking to him, dun hav to decide when im prepared to know all these answers tt i wanted but only dared to imagine them...

these few days, 1 main thing tt came across my mind when i tot abt it is fear... 我害怕我会慢慢的习惯对他的躲避。当我想要和他和好的时候，就因为有了这习惯，还是和好不了。想到这个，又害怕永远的失去他这一个朋友。失去他这个朋友，对我来讲，会是个遗憾。没有了他，我的大学生涯的记忆，有70-80%都不存在吧。在poly时，我依照成了应该是我挺大的遗憾了，我不想重蹈覆辙。我对俊燕的遗憾，的情况，我不想复印在他的身上。那介于是与不是朋友之间的友情，一个就可以把我搞得团团转，我不想要有第二个。。。