I know this isn't the right time to think abt all these but 一想起，想挡也挡不住.

I had realize abt some weird movement of his again thruout this wk... 他让我觉得他有时想要我和好，但有时又想避开我。Just like yesterday b4 426 test, 我明明看到他想我这走来，但他临时向右转，去找其他位子。We talked in lab this wk, but guessed it is due to his panic as the expt didn't went as smoothly at the beginning n seeing him panic, my defense wall disappear to help him... but I still went off early, I think I've slowly learnt how to let go n lead my own life...

But im still puzzled y he does like this...

我知道他很想和我和好，不用任何人跟我说，我都知道。Cos this frenship of ours, b4 it became so complicated, we had alr told each other how much it meant to us. A part of me really wish tt we can be frens n juz frens, but, as for now, 有这样容易吗？My mind some times tells me tt I might need to find my next one b4 really be juz frens with him cos I'll make sure of it...

可是，为什么他会想要避开我？我想避开他是因为不想再次点燃那希望，但他没有理由避开我啊。除非他还觉得尴尬？但为什么他要尴尬？是我的心动摇了，又不是他的。还是他顾及了我的感受？但他又为什么要顾及我的感受呢？猜不透。。。

Another thing, I dunno whether im seeing things a nt... But he seems to change back to his sling bag n didn't use  the hard box file tt S passes to him. The 2 of them dun seems to msg as often too so as it seems to me. Things still needs to be confirmed... But I felt tt things are changing w/o me knowing... The msg tt S sent me saying even she ask him to 'avoid' me, also no use still lingers in my head even though she asked me to nt think abt it... n 照射镜's eagerness in asking me to patch up with him... Oya, there is still this transition of him of moving out, 1st he started not signing in in msn, then now, he is also rarely in fb.  Maybe he is juz appearing offline to me... But y, I also wish to know... Or maybe I'm juz thinking too much...

No matter wat, I'm not gg to jump into it for the 3rd time! I wun allow myself to!

Was just having the routine of deleting my msgs so tt my phone wun be so lag n realise tt the last batch of msg, i didnt even send/receive a msg to/from him. I think the last msg traced down to be the one I sent asking him abt 照射镜 during break... ^_^ happy tt I've managed to nt to msg him... But T_T sad tt we've not been contacting for this long...

It's coming 2 mths and yet I'm not ready for the patch... But I do felt tt I'm letting it go slowly, even though some stuff might just spring up as if it happens only yesterday... But I felt tt I'm having back my own life, deciding wat to do n wat not to do w/o having to care abt his feelings. Some times I really felt stupid thinking back wat I've done... =S  But then, its 1 third thru the time frame 大哥 had told me... n I felt tt I'm progressing, hopefully, everything will be over by then... =)